ja-nice.

2011. what an interesting year. 

i am the kind of girl who really enjoys people. i love having friends, but of course who doesnt? i have always been the kind of girl to have a few “best” friends and many good friends. the reason last year was so interesting for me? well i gained my life long forever best friend, my husband. which was such a tremendous day filled with love, laughter, candy, wine, high fives, dancing, and a very sad golf cart accident. i was so thrilled to know that on that day everything was so perfect in my little world. i had so many people i love there to celebrate with. 

what i didnt realize was that i was taking for granted the time i was spending with another friend. weddings are so busy, so many people and so much small talk. its so hard to fit in the pictures, the eating, and dancing with also trying to show your appreciation for every person who traveled. i was so blessed to have people i love travel from all over the country. but back to the point, one of my best friends is someone i actually lost that day. and technically i know it wasnt that day, but i always think back to it and think how i wish i could have hugged her a little tighter or laughed with her a little longer because now all i do is see her in my dreams. and i dont mean that in any sexual way but in a way that every single night since that i have a reoccurring dream where i wake up and pray it really happened. see, a few weeks after the wedding a friend and i just stopped talking. i know nothing specifically happened and its just “changing and growing up” or whatever. but it doesnt mean it affects me any less on a day to day basis. every night i go to sleep with a tear in my eye wishing i could do anything to prove anything to her to be my friend again. just like as i write this i wish i could text her and just beg her. but whats the point? im not the friend she needs any more and i need to realize that. i know losing a friend is all part of growing up but dont you have those few friends that you never want to let go of? i know for the rest of my life she will always be one of those friends to me. a friend i will never let go of. she will always be at the top. the friend who taught me so much, who saw me at some of my hardest times, while i saw her at hers. a friend who loved my family just like i do. a friend who made me laugh and i could be myself around. she was a friend who taught me so much. and i guess to be fair i am thankful that since we arent speaking currently she is still teaching me. i always wonder if things and in doing so i have taken a hard look in the mirror to make myself a better person. so i always have to thank her. i will always thank her.

now i know to most this was just rambling nonstop about girl drama or whatever it may be. but its not. it is my step to healing. i have to move forward. and i guess that starts today. it took almost a year but i hope the dreams stop and i hope the tears stop because they are hard. and they hurt. 

now another point. ladies, there are a few things i want to say. when i got married i think a lot of my friends felt like i was moving forward and not taking them with me. it is not the case. when a girl gets married it in no way means she is replacing you with her husband. it is such a different friendship. yes, jeremy is my other half, but he isnt the person i go get pedicures with, he isnt the one i gab with about celebrities, he isnt the one i talk about gossip girl to. i still want all the same friends and memories i had previously to being married to continue. i dont think it is too much to ask for either. guys and girls have separate wants and needs. i mean, i love sports but i know that jeremy would much rather watch them with his guy friends than with me. its just the way it is. so friends, bare with your engaged friends and stand by them proudly because the only thing that will change about them after being married is their name. i am still the same girl, with just a different zip code. 

so that was a jumbled mess but i hope you made it through. 

good day.

We got married!

I love people. I love everyone I meet and I’m so blessed to have been given the chance for so long to travel around and meet so many awesome people. I know I’m no Christa Black when it comes to advice, because she is incredible. But I think my advice for today is let’s get rid of the forever alone hashtag. I don’t know when people started thinking it was funny, but I’m guessing Jesus isn’t laughing. You’re never alone, I know sometimes it feels lonely when you are single but wallowing probably only makes that loneliness amplified. Turn to a friend. A family member, and Christ and realize you are never alone.

I’d gladly be there for anyone reading this who feels so alone to point out that being lonely isn’t a relationship status. Its your mindset. And every mindset can change with prayer and hard work.

It’s just heartbreaking to see so many people focusing on what they don’t have. The grass sure is always greener on the other side but with prayer an the right attitude I think you’ll feel better and more satisfied. Life is worth living with humans around, it doesn’t have to be a boyfriend or a girlfriend. There are things in life to celebrate often and I just don’t want people to miss out on the happiness because they are too lost in the sadness.

I just love everyone and want everyone to love themselves too.

slaur:

Tonight these two people reminded me how much I love my life & my friends.

i love these girls. i love life. 

Now although that is normally used for birthdays i don’t care. 50 DAYS!!!!!!! 

http://www.tbd.com/articles/2011/02/-miracle-baby-survives-despite-huge-odds-53759.html

i remember when this baby was born. doctors everywhere were telling her that he would survive and their was no point to try. praise the lord for miracles. 

i’m really thankful for all phases of my life. i am really glad i learned lessons through happiness and sadness and love and loss. i can honestly say that in life i have never been as proud of myself as i am now. i have a good attitude, a great family, a love for Christ, and a perfect soon to be spouse. its true, i am basically bragging right now. but ya know what? i’m ok with that.

i have seen too many people live through a life of addictions. i have seen drug addictions that end in suicide, i have seen alcohol addictions that lead to being 32 and living with your parents with a dead end job and a lot of nights spent crying, and i have seen addictions to sadness. i know sadness seems like something you cant be addicted to, but honestly. i think you can. people seem to thrive on being sad sometimes. it gives them cause to hurt the people around them solely because they are happy. it allows them more reason to be sad when other people are sad. instead of going to the store to buy booze they are just signing onto facebook and crying over others success. when did society become so driven and focused on the negative parts of someone else’s success? my friend got a job in LA. it was her dream job. and it was my dream for her to get it. i dont care that of course it was a job i would have loved to have. i care because it made her life. and at that moment, thats what she needed.

jeremy and i have been doing a couples devotional every night. it is really my absolute favorite part of my day even if its 5 minutes to 30 minutes of time. it is the most looked forward to time of the day. (and thats saying a lot, because i like to eat and lately we have been watching 24 which is awesome.) but anyways, last week we read this story about a pilot who during an air show something happened to his engine. as he was going down he basically realized that he could bail out of the plane and have it crash into houses or he could steer the plane to land in one large yard and it would hurt no one but kill himself. that man chose to land the plane in a safe zone and kill himself. later they found a note in his wallet that said “i’m third.” that meant that God was first, others were second, and he was third. i was completely blown away and in awe of that mans attitude.

i want that attitude. i think that attitude is in complete correlation with my thoughts on sadness addiction. i think that when someone genuinely feels that they are third and they thrive on other peoples happiness and success then they in turn become happy and successful. i know that i have always had a great attitude and i do try to always put others first but until i read that story and really focused on the meaning of it did it become real to me. wanting something to happen for yourself doesnt come by complaining about nothing going my way. it comes when i realize that maybe its not my time for things to come my way because i am not ready for them. because maybe my attitude has let things pass me by. i refuse to let things pass me by.

these are just my rambling thoughts on how much of life is spent living through the world of others. and in some ways it is the best, like building someone up or being there for a friend. but in other ways, it is the exact opposite of the best. if you are putting yourself before others, then maybe that is where the sadness addiction really continues to grow.

sorry for the long post. sometimes i just like to write.

ok everyone…it is your mission to find out where i can purchase that tie.

AND GO! 

Beyond the "I Do"

praisepianist:

Obviously love and marriage go hand in hand. 1 John 3:16 says, “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.” Jesus’ death for our sins was a love expressed through blood and tears and pain. Wow. Not exactly the heartwarming love we find in Disney movies. But you know, that’s the only kind of love that I want. Even if I never meet a man who loves me like that, one man already has two thousand years ago, and still does to this day. That is why I praise my Father for arranging my marriage, why I will marry for more than love.

I am so thankful I waited and prayed for a love like this. Nothing is more satisfying than knowing that Christ is the center of our relationship. I am truly blessed. 

Seriously, wait for the right guy. Settling just leaves you bruised and burned in the long run. Waiting for the right guy is the most incredible part of life. 

i pray for every single one of you and the man that is waiting for you as you wait for him. the wait may be the hardest part, but completely worth it. believe me. 

(via weddingwhimsy)